The World...Fell Apart

What an odd card to come up when life has blown up- a card of ending and completion and fulfillment. But as abrupt as this change shoved me (seemingly) against my will into a new reality, the previous version of my life is complete, and must be shed in order to clear the path for the new. What a struggle- the grief, the anger, the confusion. I don't feel strong. I feel powerless. If I were strong, wouldn't I have embraced this change and welcomed the ending? Maybe I wouldn't fight so hard against it. Maybe I wouldn't be cursing the Universe and everyone who still gets to be comfortable where they are. If it's for the best, why can't I just be happy now? I don't feel the triumph in the card. And I don't want to be patient and give it time. Having faith is exhausting. I want proof. I don't want to search for a silver lining. What do I want this new world to look like? What did I do wrong? Neither world seems comfortable now.